Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
