you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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