from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
