i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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