you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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