I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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