I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
