I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
