My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
