If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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