He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
