i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
