When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
