Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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