The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
