Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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