i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
