I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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