Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
is it fun? or sober?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
