I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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