we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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