Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I love you. Go after that dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
