just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
