Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
