The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize