A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
