a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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