I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just pee around me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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