If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
