My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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