Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We have so much sex to catch up on
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
