i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
