i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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