apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize