do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
