My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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