and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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