shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The best revenge is premature balding
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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