I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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