i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
