There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
