i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
