Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
