The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
