My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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