I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Green mimosas i think yes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
