everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
