Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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