After last night, I could never be a politician.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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