Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
