the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
