please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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