I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
