another moral hangover. fuck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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