Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
