I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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