Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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