Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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