The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
