chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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