and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
