is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
