I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
