last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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