i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
