from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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