Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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