Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
