there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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