Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
