I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
