if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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