I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
