Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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