I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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