the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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