i think my tv is drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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