Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
