my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This house was built for laser tag.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
