at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
