I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
