If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
