yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
