Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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