wanna go halves on a baby?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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