if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he shaved USA in his pubs
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
