bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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